Man, so I see this baby. I walk up to it, friendly-like, just trying to make small talk. And while I'm talking, he's just staring at me, with those soulless little eyes. Finally, I realize that this baby cannot talk. What the hell!? In my day, a toothless blind man with a helper monkey taught you how to speak English. Ah yes, I remember those hot summer days, standing in the middle of the street, shouting out my ABC's with a small primate on my back, hammering in every letter with a wooden coat-hanger to my head. I fondly remember going back to that blind man's shack in Central Virginia and rearranging his furniture. Later, I paid an inebriated Dutch sailor tuppence to rough up that thrice-accursed monkey. Then I realized that monkeys probably do not live that long anyways, and I felt kind of bad for doing horrible things to a blind guy. Then I had some jello and someone yelled at me for arguing with a baby.

Comic later!